There is Always A Reason Others Will Understand

From “Rethinking Suicide: Why Prevention Fails, and How We Can Do Better” - Craig J. Bryan

After introducing myself, I pointed at his chin and asked him if he would be willing to tell me the story of that injury. The Marine described an ordinary day by most combat zone standards: He woke up and prepared for the day’s mission, which involved a routine patrol in armored vehicles through the city. The weather that day was also typical by most summer-in-Iraq standards: sunny and hot, with the high temperature exceeding 110 degrees Fahrenheit (43 degrees Celsius). After several hours of an uneventful patrol, his convoy started its return trip to base. At some point during this hour-long leg of the journey, the Marine reported that he “saw this image in my mind of me shooting myself, and I just couldn’t stop thinking about it.” He attempted to push the image out of his mind and to think of other things, but was unable to do so for the remaining 30 to 60 minutes of the patrol. When the convoy finally returned to base, they headed to the motor pool to park, at which point the Marine hopped off the vehicle, placed the rifle under his chin, and pulled the trigger.

The results of my evaluation indicated this Marine had no prior history of suicidal thoughts or behaviors and no prior history of mental illness or mental health treatment. The first time he had ever experienced suicide-related thoughts or imagery was on that day, less than an hour before he made the suicide attempt and only a few hours before I met him. He hadn’t been drinking alcohol or using any other substances or narcotics at the time—the toxicology lab results confirmed this—and he wasn’t having any particular problems with his sleep in the preceding weeks. He wasn’t experiencing symptoms of depression or traumatic stress, he wasn’t expressing any hopelessness or negative thoughts about himself, and he wasn’t experiencing any significant problems in life; no marital or relationship conflict, no financial hardship, and no pending or recent disciplinary actions. When I asked the Marine about his day, he described a routine, benign day. Nothing bad or out of the ordinary had happened, and he hadn’t been feeling especially stressed out. He had no discernible risk factors for suicide other than being a young, White male. I checked in with his supervisor and commander, who had come to the hospital with him, and they confirmed, to the best of their ability, all of the information he had provided. The case was utterly bewildering; it just didn’t make any sense to me. It didn’t make any sense to the Marine, either. “I don’t know why I did it,” he explained, shrugging his shoulders. “It just happened.”