Step 1

Connection to the Exile

Once the protective parts (managers and firefighters) have given permission, you can begin to connect with an exile. Let's use an example of an exile that carries a burden of shame from an incident of public humiliation in childhood.

Step 2

Witnessing the Exiles Story

After connecting to the exile, you can ask it to show you its memories or tell you its story. The exile might show you a memory of being laughed at by your classmates after a mistake in a school play.

Step 3

Experiencing the Exiles Emotions

As the Self, you can stay present with the exile's emotions without becoming overwhelmed by them. You might feel a deep sense of shame, embarrassment, and a belief that "I am always a laughing stock."

Step 4

Unblending from the Exile

If you find yourself blending with the exile's emotions or beliefs, you can remind yourself that you're in the Self and these feelings and beliefs belong to the exile, not to you. "I am noticing a part of me feels intense shame, but that is not all of me."