Step 1

Identification of the Part

The first step is to identify the part that is

blended with the Self. Let's use the example of a Perfectionist manager. Perhaps you've noticed that you've been pushing yourself excessively at work, feeling a constant pressure to do everything perfectly and a fear of making mistakes.

Step 2

Focusing on the Part

Next, you can focus on this part and its sensations, emotions, or thoughts. You might notice feelings of anxiety, a pressure in your chest, and thoughts like "I can't mess up" or "I have to do better."

Step 3

Differentiation

Once you're aware of the part and its characteristics, you can begin to differentiate the Self from the part. This involves reminding yourself that you are not the part—it is a part of you, but it's not all of you. You might say to yourself, "I notice a part of me is pushing me to be perfect and is scared of making mistakes. That is not all of me, that is a part of me."

Step 4

Moving into Self

Now you can try to move into the position of the Self, characterized by the 8 Cs: Calm, Curiosity, Compassion, Courage, Confidence, Creativity, Clarity, and Connectedness. From this position, you can observe and interact with the part. You might feel a sense of calm and compassion towards the Perfectionist part and a curiosity about why it's so scared. 

Step 5

Dialoguing with the Part

From the Self, you can dialogue with the part, asking it questions to understand it better and expressing reassurances to help it feel safer. You might ask the Perfectionist part why it's so scared of making mistakes, and it might show you a memory of a time you were harshly criticized for a mistake. You can then reassure the part, saying something like, "I understand you're trying to protect me from criticism, but it's okay if I make mistakes. I'm capable and I can handle it."

Step 6

Unblending Further

If the part is reluctant to unblend, you can ask it

what it's afraid would happen if it stepped back. It might express a fear that you'll fail or be rejected. Again, you can reassure the part from the Self, expressing confidence in your abilities and compassion for its fears.