Having Low Self Esteem

• Another problem common to almost every highly sensitive person, is low self-esteem.
  
  
• School children have their own terms for aspects of the trait. Some of these labels might be sissy, cry baby, teacher’s pet, goody-goody, or nerd. Hence sensitive people learn to hide their trait and view themselves as flawed.
  
  
• Low self-esteem in the highly sensitive is probably due to it being a less-than-ideal trait in families and entire cultures, so that the trait in combination with negative childhood events leads to even lower self-esteem.
  
  
• We can sense their poor self-esteem, because they act as if they have decided that “if no one likes me, I will have to do whatever others want to try to please them.” Or “I would just as soon disappear, die, or become one with this other person I admire.” They would prefer to blur or obliterate entirely the boundary making them distinct from others. In all these ways, they tend to take in what is bad and keep out what is good.
  
  
• Most people who remain in emotionally destructive situations believe that they deserve to suffer. Their low self-esteem, which is based on the untruth that there is something wrong with them, makes them think that pain is their due.
  
  
• Some HSPs struggle with low self-esteem, low self-worth, a lack of confidence, a lack of self-love, or feelings of not being good enough. This most often occurs if their sensitive nature has been criticized or judged from early on in life, causing them to feel embarrassed or ashamed by it. As a result, many have a tendency to people-please or to try to ‘fix’ or rescue others, which can often be an unconscious drive for trying to get their own unmet needs satisfied.

Some Strategies to Help

Reframing the past

Most persons with low self-esteem can recall countless incidents of what in their minds were serious failures, regrettable decisions, justifiable rejections, and other proofs of their core worthlessness. When their sensitivity was a factor, these incidents need to be gradually or systematically reassessed by a professional.

Reframing is not something that can be rushed, however. Even if it is entirely accurate, anyone with low self-esteem will mistrust what they perceive as distortions of the truth about themselves said by someone, only to make them feel better.

Encourage reading about the trait

Reading is another reality check that can stabilize the aspect of self-esteem affected by their trait. There are scientific articles for those who would appreciate them as well as books and newsletters.